4 a.m. insights

4 a.m. insights

-By Rama Mehta

IFL Kuwait

When I was 5 years old I had this weird curiosity about eyebrows. I wanted to cut them and see what happens next. I had perfect opportunity to try that when my mother had to visit someplace. . I found scissors and here I was with as little visible hair as possible. Sadly when my mother returned she was not as excited about it as I was... Looking at her reaction I knew I needed to protect this part of me which wanted to experiment with my eyebrows. So I very conveniently lied and laid entire blame on someone who was taking care of us in her absence. Though as a child I never thought my mom will verify and I would have to eventually admit my mistake. The most disappointing revelation which dawned upon me in couple of days was my eyebrows grew back.

“Why we do what we do?”

We all go through many emotions in a day. From our childhood we are trained to not display our emotions. The indirect message is “better hide your emotions, you would be safe. Hence most of us by adulthood are experts at hiding our emotions. Does that mean we have stopped experiencing different emotions and is it really possible to not experience emotions? Some people lack capacity to feel joy, sorrow or love… condition is called emotional blindness or Alexithymia. People with Alexithymia feel same as most of us deep down but they can’t put these emotions in words due to breakdown in pathways between emotional areas to communication areas. How many of us suffer with this condition in reality? I am also speculating, when we are discouraged to express our feelings, are we encouraged to become emotionally blind. IFL Kuwait

Suppressing emotion is like feeding a volcano which is surely going to erupt sooner or later, triggering deeper hurt. Should we not train ourselves and our children to identify the actual emotions we experience and learn to express them effectively? I met a lady in late twenties sitting next to me in flight from Abu Dhabi to Kuwait. She suddenly became very fidgety when aircraft took off. When I inquired she said take offs always make her uncomfortable. So the more exact emotion would have been, take offs trigger a fear in her and fear makes her insecure and cause discomfort. 

But the challenge here is that we can’t share our true feelings unless we feel safe in revealing them. Hence the prerequisite to be more open about our emotions is safety and security. We must be with people who would not ridicule us in those vulnerable moments. To feel safe and secure we should be able to trust and have assurance that our vulnerabilities will be kept confidential. We don’t want be the talk of the town because we chose to trust someone and exposed ourselves. This is the foundation of strong relationships and deeper connections.

 I personally feel that to be more deeply connected with others we must first become aware of our own emotions and feelings. Sharing one of my 4 a.m. insights with you all,

“Everything originates from me and everything comes back to me”. 

We are living in times where speed is the most important requisite to be more successful in certain ways. While we are rushing through life we often overlook the fact that building or cultivating relationships demands things to move at certain pace and this pace is different for different people.

 "There’s always so much more to why we do things than what we do?"

We must keep exploring and enhancing our own understanding of self with absolute regard of others around us. lets be more connected to our own selves and thus with others.